Different, But The Same

It's been over two years since I posted anything on this blog. Wow! I almost forgot that it existed. I have enjoyed going back and reading old posts an reminders of things I had forgotten. So much has happened in just two years time!

Life has changed.

I have been married for over three years to an incredible man that God has made into a spiritual leader and warrior for Himself. I have watched him go from a young man full of life, energy, and anticipation for what his future held to a young - but older than he was - man that the Lord has matured into a strong, wise, godly husband and leader of his household. He has become a great protector, provider, and example of Christ Jesus.

I have worked on the same unit in the same hospital this whole time. I love my job. I don't always love it at the moment, but I love having the consistent opportunity to serve and show Christ's love to others. It is good for me to be in an environment where I am constantly reminded that we are called to trials on this earth & that I was made to be the hands and feet of Jesus by serving sacrificially, even when I am tired or patient family members are rude or some child has messed up his bed sheets multiple times within a few hours and I have to change them over and over again. It is good to have to look past my own wants and needs and consider the needs of others above myself.

My family has changed. My siblings have grown and matured, life has happened, and we have had joy and mourning. In April, my earthly father accidentally committed suicide. This has been the greatest challenge of my life so far, and has brought both the deepest hurt and the closest intimacy with God that I have ever felt. A blessing of pain is the insatiable longing for relief it causes. I am more aware than ever before that this world is not where I want to be forever. I want to go home to my Eternal Father and bask in His perfect presence, free of sin and death. However, I am finding joy in serving Him while I am here. All of our days are numbered, so as long as I am here, I know that I am supposed to be here and I will seek to accomplish the goals that my Heavenly Father has set for me.

Other loved ones have died. In fact, we lost 8 family members in one year back in 2010. Many new lives have started. I now have multiple close friends that have children, some have multiple children! I have gained a sister in law and a brother in law. We bought a house. We bought a car. I have learned all about "real food," gardening, sustainability, alternative health, and many other subjects. Friends and family have moved away. Most of my closest friends are still close to me in spirit, but physically farther away.

Life is different.

The Trinity is still the same as He was two years ago. Still faithful. Still steadfastly loving. Still just and righteous. Still gracious. Still merciful. Still slow to anger and abounding in love. Still pardoning my iniquities and forgiving my transgressions. Still giving me undeserved kindness and compassion each day. Still true. ALWAYS true. God never changes.

Life is different. Life is hard. Life is good, because God is a good and true and faithful God who never changes. I can always count on Him and the truth of His Word.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

PTL!!!!!!!

Today I found out that I got the job up in CVICU! I am soooooooooo ecstatic! My two loves in nursing are cancer and heart, so this job is a big deal! There are over 1500 nursing students graduating in this state this year, so to get a job at all, much less my dream job, is very exciting!

Now I just need to keep praying that God will help me finish out school strong and continue to guide my footsteps as I serve Him.

Future thoughts

Well, I had an interview on Monday for the CVICU in the hospital I currently work at. I would looooooooooooooooove to get the position. However, I heard that a lot of people applied, so it's competitive. Now I am just trusting the Lord to put me where he wants me to be.

PRAYER REQUEST: Please be praying that if it is God's will that I will get this job. They said I should hear something by the end of next week.

Good news is that I've been on top of my game with my school work and have finished almost all of the semester projects so that I can concentrate on studying for tests and learning what I need to know to pass my state boards. God is so good to give me the time I need to accomplish the tasks I am assigned.

Just read a friend's blog and saw that she had created this saying & loved it:
"Think, read, and pray before a choice you make.
Use your mind, engage your heart, before a step you take."

Pray, pray, pray! :)

When you give a neighbor a cookie...

We had a funny thing happen tonight.

Background: We live in an apartment complex. Back around Christmas time we baked our neighbors some cookies. Other than that, we do not know our neighbors, we just see them walking by now and then.

Tonight we had a tornado headed right towards the area our apartment is in, so Paul and I were gathering blankets and heading towards the middle of the apartment when we heard a knock on our door. It was a couple that lives upstairs, seeking shelter from the tornado. So, we let them and started chatting and then we heard another knock on the door, and when we opened it, it was the other two sets of neighbors from upstairs. So then there were 8 of us crammed in our little apartment. Eventually the storm let up and the neighbors went back home. A few minutes later Paul opened the door to check the weather, and there was a little green frog sitting on our doorstep, looking at us. I looked at Paul and said, "This is where we draw the line." lol.

In other news, I only have 9 weeks of school left! Praise the Lord! I am so excited to be graduating soon.

Bi-annual blogging is no bueno.

So, I haven't blogged in almost exactly half a year. Oops. You'd think I was in nursing school or something. Here's my life update:

LAST SEMESTER OF SCHOOL!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!! I am ecstatic. I love my classes so far! Last semester was rough because the information in lecture was either uninteresting or were bits of information we had learned in previous classes. This semester I am getting slammed with new information, but it is super interesting and is really connecting the dots for me.

Marriage is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I love seeing my husband every evening when we get home. He is so helpful around the house (yes, even after 6 months) and it's just such a relief to finally be married after 4 years of dating. Oh, and I have had the most fun cooking different meals. I found that I LOOOOOOVE to cook and I had no idea! Marriage has made school much easier as well. I was able to pull off a 4.0 last semester thanks to the support of my husband.

I've applied for a job on the floor that I love. We will see what happens. I want the job sooooo badly. It's the one of the reasons I went to nursing school. However, God will put me where He wants me to be.

I started a new quiet time schedule. In the mornings I am now getting up 37 minutes earlier than before. I roll out of bed and spend the first 7 minutes praying, then I spend 30 minutes reading and meditating before I start to get ready for the day. It has been a challenge this week with my early morning school schedule, but I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Well, that's the update. I want to start blogging more often again. I have missed it!

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path" Psalm 119:105.

I love this verse because it is so simple, but so true. If we aren't using the light (the Bible) to guide our way through life, then we are walking in darkness and we will never find the way.

Thank you, God, for Your Word!

One Month!

Paul and I have been married for a little over a month now. Monday made one month for us. For our one month anniversary, we ate at the Olive Garden and it was soooooo good! Their white chocolate raspberry cheesecake is one of my favorite deserts in the whole world.

Paul surprised me by bringing home roses! I love roses!!! I'm not a big flower person just because they are so expensive and they die so quickly (it's a lot of money for something that won't last long), but I really like getting them every once in a while for a special occasion, so our 1 month anniversary was just perfect! Paul knows me so well!

On Tuesday night (day after our 1 month) we decided to dive into our wedding cake topper (which is more like a whole cake) for our 1 month rather than our 1 year, because so many people have told us that no matter how well you wrap the cake, it never tastes that good after it has been sitting in one's freezer for a whole year. We will just make a new cake to celebrate when we get to a year.

Paul wanted me to take a picture of the dinner I made for him on Tuesday night. It wasn't anything special, but he thought it was really good. I made stuffed baked potatoes, fruit salad with whipped cream, and cut up some bell peppers. Of course, cake was dessert. YUMMY!

Married Life

I am enjoying married life soooooooo much! It is so nice to have my own husband & home to take care of every day! Of course, my sweet husband is making being married a breeze. On the days that Paul leaves the house for work before I do, I receive a little love note on the refrigerator. I've been finding that I now wake up and run to the refrigerator with anticipation, wondering what my note for the day will say. It is so much fun!

I have also been enjoying cooking for myself and my husband. We have been eating a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables since it is summertime. Since we live so close to the grocery store, it hasn't been hard at all to stop by on my way home and pick up fresh produce, especially since the produce has been on sale these past few weeks!

I have also found that my relationship with God has deepened since Paul and I have been married. It is an exciting challenge to spend my time serving my husband and at the same time, developing character qualities that have been lacking in the past. Being married and living with my husband is allowing me to clearly see some of the areas where I am severely deficient as far as Christian character goes.

There is the verse in Proverbs that says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord," but I think the same goes for she who finds a husband. Too bad the best one is taken now! ;)

Wedding!

I can hardly believe I'm getting married in two days! Today we will spend most of the day setting up the church, we will continue that on Friday, then we have rehearsal dinner that night, then hopefully a good night's rest & the big day is finally here!!!!! Pray for me and Paul for the next few days and as we prepare to spend our lives together.

Yes, I should be studying.

I need to be studying for my finals, but I wanted to give a little update since I have not posted since March.

We are now less than 7 weeks from when I become a Mrs.! WOW!

I am so excited to become Paul's wife and to have my own little home to tend. I have never lived away from my parents, so it is going to be a learning experience. I think it will be very hard to go into my new kitchen and not have my mother's bakeware, pots and pans, silverware, plates, etc. when I am trying to prepare a meal. I just know I'll start cooking and I'll have forgotten that I didn't have that one spice ingredient I needed. Good thing WalMart will be close! haha!

School is wrapping up soon. I have a presentation tomorrow and two finals on Thursday.

My big prayer request is for the week after this week. Not this Thursday, but next Thursday (May 14th) I have what is called the "HESI test" which is a progression test to decide whether or not I continue from junior to senior year, basically deciding whether or not I stay in nursing school or get kicked out. I get three chances to take it and pass, but the second chance is when I'm supposed to be gone on my honeymoon, so I'm really, really praying that I'll pass it the first time so that I can concentrate on wedding planning and have fun with it rather than trying to balance studying for that test & wedding planning.

I know God's will always goes forth, but please pray that I will not be anxious or nervous about this test. Pray that I will be diligent in studying, but that I will not worry about passing it or not, because God is in control. Pray that when I am tempted to worry, that I will remember to stop and pray and give it up to God. Pray that He will continue to be the delight of my heart and that I will remember that nothing on this earth matters as long as I am serving Him with all of my heart, and that He will direct my paths. Pray that I will trust Him.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6,7, ESV).

I'm looking forward to being around more this summer and not feeling like my life revolves around school and wedding planning. I miss everyone!

Rainy day in more ways than one

Lord, show me where You want me and who You want me to be, because all I want is what You want. Show me what You want from me and teach me to be who You will for me to be. I want to make an impact for Your kingdom, but sometimes I feel so stagnant and useless. Please help me to fight the lies that Satan throws at me and help me to remember that I'm not worthless, because I am Yours and You gave me breath for a reason. You made me to glorify You and if all I do here on this earth is live each day to praise You, then I will fulfill Your purpose for me. Help me to remember that I'm not here to save the world, but to be a vessel for You. I am merely Your instrument. Work in my heart to mold me into whatever piece of pottery You wish me to be, and help me to be content with planting seeds, even if I don't see the fruit that they produce. Do away with the will of my flesh, and make Your will what I always desire.

"But now, O LORD, you are our Father;
we are the clay, and you are our potter;
we are all the work of your hand"
(Isaiah 64:8, ESV).

"He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the LORD require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?"
(Micah 6:8, ESV).

Happy Birthday!

Happy 17th birthday, Tanner! I love you! :)

My Favorite Places

- the beach
- Barnes & Noble
- Starbucks
- my bed
- my daddy's lap
- Paul's arms
- on top of a mountain
- Ukraine
- the pool
- by the fireplace in the middle of winter
- with my friends
- in a pile of leaves on a crisp fall day
- in a mud puddle with rain boots
- in an ocean without jelly fish
- Maui, Hawaii
- in a rocking chair, holding a baby
- near to my Father

Growing Days

Today was a very big "growing day" for me, spiritually speaking.

It all started this morning when I was talking to Paul on the phone. By the end of the conversation I had come to the conclusion that everything is based on perspective, so we can't trust man for the truth. Everyone has their own version of how an event happened, and their own perspective is the truth. God is the only One who can really say what truth is, because He has been accurate & truthful 100% or the time. He has always fulfilled promises and commitments, and never had to say He was wrong... because He hasn't been!

That was growing lesson #1.

Secondly, I was up at the hospital getting my clinical assignment and the weather outside was dreadful. Student parking is not near the hospital, so we either take the bus or walk. When I walked out of the hospital to go to my car, the bus was no where in sight, so I decided to walk instead of just stand in the rain & get drenched.
Well, it rained pretty hard as I was walking to my car, and I was getting really wet. I started praying, "Lord, would you please let up on the rain? At least until I can get to my car?" and yet it continued to rain at a steady pace. Then I started getting a little upset and thought, "Ok, Lord, why aren't you answering me?"
When I finally got to my car, I opened the car door, sat down, shut the door, and the rain started to POUR! It was then that I realized that God was listening to my prayers and was answering them, just not how I had anticipated. If I hadn't prayed for Him to let up on the rain, perhaps He had intended for it to pour the entire time I walked to my car & I would have been completely soaked.
What a good lesson on God's provision! There are so many times when I think, "God, are you listening?" and yet, I don't stop to think that maybe my prayers aren't being answered exactly how I expected, but they are being answered and He is making things better than they might have been had I not been faithful to pray.

So, that was lesson #2. Now on to lesson #3...

This one isn't nearly as profound as lesson #2, but Paul and I were studying Genesis 41 tonight and came to the conclusion that Manasseh & Ephraim (sons of Joseph & Ansenah) were probably twins. What's the significance? Well, these days it's been shown that sometimes twins are genetic. If your parent is a twin, or you have a biological aunt or uncle who is a twin, you are more likely to have twins. Jacob & Esau were twins, and then Jacob had Joseph, and Joseph had twins. How cool to remember that if someone is genetically predisposed now, they would have been genetically predisposed back then, too, they just didn't know it! That was my medical/spiritual moment for the day. :)

Thank you, God, for growing days!

Why me, Lord?

I love this song, but I can never seem to make it through the whole thing without getting choked up and having tears poor down my face. I really need to start bringing tissues to church! I am just so very thankful that I was chosen, though I don't understand why I was when others were not. Especially as we have just started a new year & have new men and women in office, the fourth and fifth verses are my prayer for the year. What a beautiful song!

How sweet and aweful is the place
With Christ within the doors,
While everlasting love displays
The choicest of her stores.

While all our hearts and all our songs
Join to admire the feast,
Each of us cry, with thankful tongues,
"Lord, why was I a guest?"

"Why was I made to hear Thy voice,
And enter while there's room,
When thousands make a wretched choice,
And rather starve than come?"

'Twas the same love that spread the feast
That sweetly drew us in;
Else we had still refused to taste,
And perished in our sin.

Pity the nations, O our God,
Constrain the earth to come;
Send Thy victorious Word abroad,
And bring the strangers home.

We long to see Thy churches full,
That all the chosen race
May, with one voice and heart and soul,
Sing Thy redeeming grace.

Starting Back Up

Nursing school started back this week... and I'm very busy again. Please pray that I will be diligent in my studies and have good time management.

Happy New Year!

Can you believe it's 2009 already? Wow!

We had a wonderful holiday season. Christmas week was spent down at my mom's parents' house and we had so much fun enjoying each others company.

This is the year that I've been waiting for since 2005... Paul and I are getting married this year!
I am so excited about having my own little home & my own husband to cook & clean for, and to love. I'm so looking forward to being a wife and joining hands in our daily walk with the Lord.

The year is sure to be full of busy-ness! I start back to nursing school soon, coach cheerleading, work with the church youth, have premarital counseling sessions, need to spend time with family, friends & Paul, am a chair in the student government, have applied for a part time job, and somehow I'm supposed to find time for wedding planning & house hunting!! I'm very thankful that the Lord has everything in His hands.

Paul and I started a "read through the Bible in a year" study. So far, we have been consistent for the first four days. I think I'm terrified of getting behind since we're reading 4 chapters a night. For the past couple of years, we've been used to reading 1 chapter a night together, so this is quite a step up. However, we're really enjoying this study & it's so fulfilling be reading so much of God's Word and to have a years worth of a plan! Usually, we just choose a book and read through it, but this should be a helpful motivation to read books like Leviticus. Don't get me wrong, I love all of the Bible, but some books are just harder to read than others & I don't feel like I've learned much after reading a chapter (like Ezra 2 the other night... lots of names & numbers, not much application).

This week I want to remember: We are dust. He is God.

"All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return" (Ecclesiastes 3:20, ESV).

Another cup of cocoa, please!

I have figured out why the end of the semester tests are known as "finals." It's because we students can hardly wait until they are FINALLY over!!

As of this morning I finished out my second semester of nursing school and 7th semester of college classes (including the two summers I spent taking classes). Just 3 more semesters and I will have my BSN/RN (Bachelors of Science in Nursing/Registered Nurse) degree and license.

I am so thankful to be on Christmas break now. Because nursing school started in May of this year, I have not had more than two weeks off of school since summer 2007. I know that doesn't seem like that big of a deal to those who are working, but when you're in school all day long and then have to come home and study until bedtime, it can be very tiresome!

For the next several weeks while I'm out of school I guess I'll be working on wedding plans, but hopefully that will be more fun than school. June is just around the corner!

Thank You, Lord, for getting me through another semester of school. Thank You for not only giving me a full scholarship, but allowing me to keep it thus far. Thank You for the opportunity to learn and be educated in a field that I am interested in, and help me to always use the mind that you've given me to serve and glorify You. Whenever I am tempted to take the credit for my talents and abilities for myself, remind me of the One who not only gives me academic gifts, but holds my very existence in the palm of His hands. In Jesus name, Amen.

Defining Moments

Tonight I was talking to a dear friend about the exciting development of maturity in our spiritual lives. I was just telling this friend how excited I am to have seen a spiritual growth in them over the past couple of years. Three years ago when I started asking them how I could pray for them, prayer requests were consistently very surface level and were things like school, ill relatives, and other important, but impersonal requests. Over the years, I have seen spiritual growth in many areas, but one area that has definitely stuck out is that this friend now gives me more personal, deep requests such as pride, self-control, patience, etc. Now, I'm not saying that impersonal prayer requests are any less important, but I think that there is definitely a time in the life of a believer when the Lord starts to show them the depravity of their sin & the intricate details of their depravation, allowing them to see the "respectable sins" (as Jerry Bridges calls them) that are clouding their spiritual glasses.
I've also considered that another factor into going from surface level to deep spiritual content could be the intimacy of the relationship and the length of time the relationship has had to develop (I'm learning that most people don't spill their guts upon the first introduction as I tend to do), but in the case of this relationship and looking back, I didn't see much spiritual growth at the time the friendship began, whereas over the past few years I have seen significant growth.

These defining moments in our spiritual lives are so exciting to me! I love to see the development of personal relationships with God, and to learn from those who are more wise, and also from "baby believers." I have recently found that the passion that young believers have and the burning desire they have to preach the gospel has been kindled with time & I long to become more sensitized towards the urgency of proclaiming the Good News and remembering that any moment could be our last.

Oh, how I love to fellowship with believers! It's such a sweet time and I look forward to being extremely active during my Christmas break. It will be so nice not to have to stay home to study for tests and write papers and to be able to go out and enjoy the company of fellow Christians!

"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another" (Proverbs 27:17, ESV).

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin" (I John 1:7, ESV).

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, ESV).

My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness

Last night I was reading Psalm 118 during my quiet time and thinking just how fitting that Psalm is for Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for this year! Not that I don't always have much to be thankful for, but this year is extra special to me.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. We slept in, woke up and watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (a family tradition) while the delicious smell of sweet potato casserole, turkey, and dressing floated through the house. My grandmother came down, bringing four yummy pies, and then the our friends, the Kamphausen's, joined us for our Thanksgiving meal. We spent the afternoon talking and laughing, and overall it was a day to remember! The memories of this Thanksgiving will be dear to me because it is my last as a single person. For anyone who doesn't know, Paul ask me to marry him last month. We're getting married in June, so next year the holidays will be divided up between our families.

God has been so gracious to me and my family and I am so thankful to him for so many undeserved blessings. As a reminder to myself, I'm going to list just a few of the many ways that the Lord has blessed my life:

1. Sending His Son
2. Opening my eyes to see, my ears to listen, and my heart to understand
3. Forgiving my sinful heart
4. Redeeming me with His blood
5. Giving me the capacity to praise Him
6. My parents
7. My brothers and sisters
8. My extended family
9. Paul
10. Paul's family
11. My best friend, Anna
12. My church family
13. My friends
14. Freedom to serve Him
15. America
16. His Word (the Bible)
17. A voice with which to praise Him
18. Health
19. A healthy mind capable of learning
20. Protection from physical harm
21. My family loves the Lord
22. Bringing us to BCLR
23. Pastor Tim & his family
24. Sound, Biblical teaching
25. Missions
26. "My kids" in Ukraine
27. "My kids" in South Africa
28. My engagement to Paul
29. Good food
30. Laughter
31. Joy
32. Sorrow - and how we learn and grow from it
33. Color
34. Imagination
35. Sound
36. Smell
37. Touch
38. HUGS!
39. Smiles
40. Eyes
41. Music
42. My dogs, Mysti & Chip
43. Technology (cell phones, Internet, blogs, etc.)
44. Warm, fuzzy blankets
45. Discipline
46. Homemade butterscotch pie... YUM!!!!
47. Twinklie lights
48. Dedicated teachers of the Word
49. Homeschool moms
50. Scholarships

...I should stop now, but there is soooooooo much more to be thankful for!

"You are my God, and I will give thanks to you;you are my God; I will extol you.Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;for his steadfast love endures forever!" (Psalm 118:28,29, ESV).

AAAAAAAAH!

Life got busy. Very busy. I need to update!