My Desperately Wicked Heart

"The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?"
(Jeremiah 17:9, ESV)

This past weekend was the "spring retreat" for my youth group. From the sessions to the food to the games, I had a wonderful time! However, I frequently found my heart wandering from where it was supposed to be. I might zone out here or there in a session, or think of myself before I thought of others, or do something with the wrong motive. The above verse came to mind more than once over the weekend as I battled with my flesh.

"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." (Romans 7:24, 25, ESV)

This is how I feel about 95% of the time. I just can't do anything right, but Jesus Christ has graciously paid the penalty for my sin.

"All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all."
(Isaiah 53:6, ESV)

How true of my own life just in the past few hours! I constantly go astray from what the Word says and turn to my own sinful way, and yet my God sees fit to punish His own Son for my sin.

This post is kind of "jumblely" and hard to understand, but I guess my point is that I am so very thankful for the love that God bestows on me every second of every hour of every day! I cannot sing His praises enough, nor can I do anything to remotely repay Him for what He has done for me and my wretched, wicked heart.

Lord, help my life, my thoughts, my words, and my actions be pleasing to you! May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer! Help me show your love in everything that I do, and do everything for Your glory, and Yours alone. In Your Son's holy name, Amen.

The Best of Friends

Have I ever mentioned just how much I adore these two little girls? Well, I do. God has blessed me with the most beautiful, kind, and loving little sisters! I prayed for a little sister for several years and God blessed me with a brother and then another brother. On September 27th, 1997 (three days after I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior), I was finally given my very own little sister to love and care for. Then something unexpected happened... on November 21st, 2001, I was given ANOTHER little sister! God is so good. He "overblesses."

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Philippians 4:6, ESV)

A Much Needed Rest

I am on spring break this week, and enjoying a much needed rest. Ironically, I have spent more time being physically active outdoors than I have in a long time.
On both Friday & Monday I went with my family to the zoo. I had a lot of fun spending time with my parents and siblings, while also enjoying God's beautiful creation. We definitely saw some interesting little critters!
On Tuesday Paul came over and we went biking all over my neighborhood and town. It was great to get on a bike again. I don't think I had pulled out my bike in years!
Today I climbed Pinnacle with Paul and some friends. I went up the mountain faster than I ever have before and it felt so good. I have to say that the best part is sitting at the top, admiring the view and being reminded of how big God is and how small I am.
This week has been a great reminder that I am just a little piece of the puzzle in God's extraordinary plan. It is humbling to think of how small I am, and then to think that even though I am completely hopeless and worthless without Him, He still chose me. Wow. What an amazing God I serve!

"O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory above the heavens.
Out of the mouth of babies and infants,
you have established strength because of your foes,
to still the enemy and the avenger.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?

Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings
and crowned him with glory and honor.
You have given him dominion over the works of your hands;
you have put all things under his feet,
all sheep and oxen,
and also the beasts of the field,
the birds of the heavens, and the fish of the sea,
whatever passes along the paths of the seas.

O LORD, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!"
(Psalm 8, ESV)

The Free Flowing Fountain.

Do you think about the words you sing on Sunday morning? I mean, do you really meditate on what is coming out of your mouth? If you're not fully convinced of what you're saying and believing with everything you have that it is the truth, then you are guilty of being a liar just by singing words off of a screen.

" What is desired in a man is steadfast love,and a poor man is better than a liar" (Proverbs 19:22, ESV).
"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer" (Psalm 19:14, ESV).

Here is a song that most of us have sung time and time again throughout our lives. Do you believe it? If so, do you live like you believe it?

There is a fountain filled with blood
Drawn from Immanuel's veins;
And sinners, plunged beneath that flood,
Lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see
That fountain in his day;
And there may I, though vile as he,
Wash all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood
Shall never lose its power,
Till all the ransomed ones of God
Be saved, to sin no more.

E'er since by faith I saw the stream
Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme,
And shall be till I die.

When this poor lisping, stammering tongue
Lies silent in the grave,
Then in a nobler, sweeter song,
I'll sing Thy power to save.

I'll sing Thy power to save,
I'll sing Thy power to save;
Then in a nobler, sweeter song,
I'll sing Thy power to save.

Do you sing His power to save? Is it ever on your heart? Are you rejoicing in the fullness of salvation through Jesus Christ? Is redeeming love your life's theme?

Dear friends and Christian family, I pray that throughout this passion week you will remember and not lose sight of why we have hope in this life. I pray that you will weep over your sin that caused your Savior to be crucified. The fountain that gives us hope is drawn from the veins of Jesus Christ. Every last drop of his blood was spilt for your sin.

Would you die for an unbeliever? Would you poor out your own blood (the actually red, gooey stuff, not just the pretty word "blood" that you read on paper) for someone who was plotting to kill you and hated you with all of their being? This is what Christ did for us.

He knew before time that we would hate Him. He knew that we would beat, marr, spit on, spear, mock, and crucify Him. He had plenty of time to change His mind, but He never did.

THIS was the life of my Jesus:

Behold, my servant shall act wisely;
he shall be high and lifted up,
and shall be exalted.
As many were astonished at you—
his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance,
and his form beyond that of the children of mankind—
so shall he sprinkle many nations;
kings shall shut their mouths because of him;
for that which has not been told them they see,
and that which they have not heard they understand.
Who has believed what he has heard from us?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
For he grew up before him like a young plant,
and like a root out of dry ground;
he had no form or majesty that we should look at him,
and no beauty that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men;
a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief;
and as one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has borne our griefs
and carried our sorrows;
yet we esteemed him stricken,
smitten by God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded for our transgressions;
he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
and with his stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
we have turned—every one—to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed, and he was afflicted,
yet he opened not his mouth;
like a lamb that is led to the slaughter,
and like a sheep that before its shearers is silent,
so he opened not his mouth.
By oppression and judgment he was taken away;
and as for his generation, who considered
that he was cut off out of the land of the living,
stricken for the transgression of my people?
And they made his grave with the wicked
and with a rich man in his death,
although he had done no violence,
and there was no deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the will of the LORD to crush him;
he has put him to grief;
when his soul makes an offering for guilt,
he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days;
the will of the LORD shall prosper in his hand. Out of the anguish of his soul he shall see and be satisfied; by his knowledge shall the righteous one, my servant,
make many to be accounted righteous,
and he shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide him a portion with the many,
and he shall divide the spoil with the strong,
because he poured out his soul to death
and was numbered with the transgressors;
yet he bore the sin of many,
and makes intercession for the transgressors.
(Isaiah 52:13-53:12, ESV).

Hallelujah, WHAT A SAVIOR!

Giving ---> Receiving

I have been feeling under the weather today and therefore spent the majority of the day (basically since after school) in bed. I'm not contagiously sick, I just have horrid allergies after sleeping on a hotel floor for a couple of nights in a row. :)

I went to OK City last weekend to watch the end of the national basketball tournaments (my brother was playing and Saturday was his birthday). What I didn't know when I left was that I would have so much fun giving to others during my trip. Now, I don't want to "toot my own horn" because I definitely didn't have a good attitude the entire time, but I saw the Lord using me to help others rather than myself. I prayed that God would use me where He wanted to use me, and I saw the answer to that prayer through a few conversations I had with friends and just putting me in the right place at the right time. Only God can work like that. It is amazing how great giving can make you feel, and how by giving one is actually receiving so much!

While lying in bed earlier, I was watching Oprah (I was one of the daily 10,000,000 viewers today) and I just had to laugh at something that Simon Cowell (judge on American Idol) said after he gave away $162,000 to a needy family. He said, "I never knew how good it felt to give!" When Oprah asked him when he learned this, he told her that it had hit him just after he gave away that money.

Yes, Simon! Isn't it incredible that what the Bible says is actually true?!

"In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, 'It is more blessed to give than to receive'" (Acts 20:35, ESV).

Growing Up

Yesterday I had this crazy idea of looking for apartments. No, I'm not moving out for over a year, but the idea of looking for a place to live sounded like fun and so I spent my free time looking around on rent.com. There are actually quite a few very nice places for rent in town for a decent price. I was practicing being a good steward by not even looking at the more expensive places, but I found that the cheaper places were very nice looking. I was happily surprised.

Then all of a sudden as I was looking through apartments I realized something. I am no longer afraid of growing up! In fact, I am starting to look forward to the idea. For quite some time now, my sinful control issues have been hindering me from seeing that responsibility is not always a bad thing. Becoming an adult doesn't have to be scary! I am someone who has enjoyed living at home with my family and I have not always looked forward to the day when I will move out of my parents' home. I enjoy the shelter and protection that living with my parents provides.

I am so thankful that I saw this little bit of growth in my life, even in something as small as not being afraid to move out. It may seem silly to some people, but I see this as a big step in my own life because I am handing over the reins to God and willingly asking Him to be in control.

Thank you, Lord, for growth in the small areas as well as the big ones!

"The LORD is my strength and my song,and he has become my salvation;this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him." (Exodus 15:12, ESV)

The pettiness of people vs. the wisdom of God

After reading over I Corinthians 1, my heart has been burdened by the way that we as Christians, but nevertheless human beings, act at times. Sadly, the same division that went on in Corinth nearly 2000 years ago is still going on today. Have you ever wondered what a nonbeliever thinks as he or she drives through town, passing a different church around every corner? No wonder nonbelievers see Christians as hypocrites! We preach a gospel of peacemaking, patience, selflessness, and love, and yet we divide based on preference issues. Here is what the Apostle Paul had to say about division in the church:

"Paul, called by the will of God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, and our brother Sosthenes, To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints together with all those who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, both their Lord and ours: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ." I Corinthians 1:1-3
Notice how Paul reinforces the unity of the body of believers in his greeting to the Corinthians. The believers are those who call upon the name of Jesus Christ, with the basic foundational beliefs.

"I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers. What I mean is that each one of you says, "I follow Paul," or "I follow Apollos," or "I follow Cephas," or "I follow Christ." Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Or were you baptized in the name of Paul? I thank God that I baptized none of you except Crispus and Gaius, so that no one may say that you were baptized in my name. (I did baptize also the household of Stephanas. Beyond that, I do not know whether I baptized anyone else.) For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." I Corinthians 1:10-17
Paul said that there is to be no division within the church. What does division in the church accomplish? From what I've seen, nothing.

And now, to Ephesians 4, where our youth pastor has been teaching from:
"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call— one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift." Ephesians 4:1-7

"Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love." Ephesians 4:15,16

If we know the truth, then why is there division? Why around every street corner to we see a Baptist, Methodist, and Pentecostal church? Why are there 1st Baptists, 2nd Baptists, and Missionary Baptists? Why within churches that believe the exact same thing, but have differing preferences on how worship services are to be held, are the churches dividing? Why do we snub our noses at those who believe the same as far as foundational beliefs, but differ in secondary areas? These are questions that have come to my mind and the only answer I have is that Satan will attack wherever he can, and the church is a great place to start.

How are we to witness to those who are perishing when we can't even get along with each other?
I think that we can apply our American saying to the church: United we stand, divided we fall.

Peacemaking is so very important!

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness." James 3:13-18

Are you a peacemaker?